A tree bears fruit. When ripe and sweet, the fruit falls off the tree. Instinctively it begins its journey. It rolls and rolls and rolls, quickly, through rivers and rocky mountains and snow storms and deserts. Directionless but determined, it can’t help but bump and crash its way through the elements. Collecting bruises from every collision, the fruit learns to heal so as to not slow down. New bruises form on barely recovered skin. The fruit finds rhythm in the cycle of healing and profound tenderness. As time passes, certainty in a final destination wanes, but what’s in motion cannot be stopped alone. The fruit makes a secret wish: Maybe one day someone will see it rolling along in all its blue and black glory, pick it up, and give it a chance to rest.
I usually come here when I already know the purpose or ending of my letter, but today I am just saying, hi. Getting back into it. I have the raindrops outside as my soundtrack and today is one of the first days in a very, very long time where all my chores are done and I have absolutely nothing planned.
This year I’m trying to be intentional and fearless. In order to be intentional I need to get better at being *~present~*, and not only do that once in a while but strengthen the muscle to be present in every day life. It’s easy for me, and maybe you can relate, to get pulled into the seemingly infinite directions between work, family, social life, social media, endless streaming options, doomscrolling (or tbh these days just reading one (1) news headline can take me out for the day), staying healthy, regular adulting, etc. Don’t get me wrong, I’m deeply grateful for my life, and I always hope to maintain spontaneity in it. But I’m still finding the right balance between nurturing my inner and outer worlds.
Regarding being fearless. The more I slow down and be present with my emotions, the more potent the feelings of fear have become. I’ve tried reframing them as ‘excitement’ or using logic to talk myself out of feeling afraid. But the feelings just pop right back up, determined to be felt in their original form. So I’m trying now to appreciate them as important information. Information that requires vulnerability to acknowledge and sometimes needs to be shared with others to work through. I guess I’ll have to recalibrate: This year I’m trying to be intentional and do things even when I’m scared.
On a lighter note, here’s a photo diary of January 2025:
Last year was a challenge, I hope that despite the state of, you know, everything, great joys and blessings still find their way to us.
Thanks for having me back in your inbox!
<3 Rabee
love it so much!
You’re such a good writer!! Been waiting for this drop. Excited to see what this year holds iA as you practice moving with intention. May your inner and outer worlds become even more abundant with creativity, contentment, wonder, connection, and many forms of rest.